31 July, 2009

A few of my favorite things...

Not too many words today, its raining again and that seems to make me feel quiet. Just a few shots today of my favorite people,my sister Sarah at our dad's for Fathers Day,my other sister Arrow and her family, who were a wonderful birthday gift this year, although I didn't end up getting any pictures of her, so her sweet boys(and mine) will suffice, the boys at the Lake, Craig at baseball, Gretchen and I at the Lake House for dinner . I miss my sisters, I don't see them often enough. But next weekend, I will be at Sarah's! Yay!

19 July, 2009

Getting Ready

I had something to say, when I sat down here. But in the time it took to load this picture, it seems to have deserted me. Perhaps its too early, especially on a Sunday. Perhaps its because I haven't had any tea yet. But the boys are at Nana's, and Craig is still sleeping. So that means the house is utterly quiet, except for the birds outside. There is nothing like the quiet of a house first thing in the morning,before anyone else is awake.Before Sportscenter is turned on, or the phone starts ringing. Sometimes even the fans in the windows are too noisy. And the fact that I spent yesterday cleaning the house ( even on such a beautiful day as yesterday was! I know, I know. but it had to be done.), means that I feel better this morning. I even cleaned under my bed. That is akin to cleaning your kitchen cupboards. Even though nobody can see it, you feel better knowing its done. And, you just want to leave the doors open, to admire your work. ( Does anyone else do that?) A little rearranging also took place, and some getting rid of stuff that just didn't quite work anymore. So now, today I will be outside. I will go far a walk with my friend, Gretchen, whom I have not seen in over a week, since she's been in Maine. And maybe I will go out back, this afternoon, once the boys are home, and lie down on a quilt and do a little bit of nothing. But it really won't be nothing. There are clouds to look at, birds to listen to, and my gardens to wander through, wondering why the deer show no interest in the weeds growing around the edges, instead of the peas, the tomatoes, and the black eyed Susans I grew from seed this Spring. To admire the huge patch of pumpkins, and to lament that the cucumbers are doing so very poorly. I really wanted bread and butter pickles this year. I've been so busy this week, what with work, kids, and finally, getting registered for college classes this Fall. I've been very nervous about getting one particular class before it filled up, and now that that's done, I am now nervous about getting a good enough grade to be accepted into the Nursing program next year.
But today, the sun is out. My house is clean. I have nothing to do but the aforementioned walk, and lying around. That will be enough for today.

12 July, 2009

Summer Sunday

Some scenes from our day...... the annual car show in town, flea market, and all-around nice day. Finally, some sunshine!

11 July, 2009

at the edge of the diving board

I feel like I did when I stood on the edge of Second Dock, at the pool I swam in when I was growing up. It was so far above the dark green water, and everyone who jumped( I was never confident enough to actually dive), would stand there for that moment, trying to gauge how deep it would be, how cold, if they could touch the bottom. Right now I feel like that. Everything that I have become used to in my life, since I got married 16 years ago, is changing. I had my sons, and stayed home to raise them during their younger years. As they got older, I began to work with my husband, something all of our friends said they themselves could never do( " He /She would drive me crazy!). But now. Now I am standing on the edge of the diving board. Craig and I are still good, after all these years, and all we have been through. This last year has been, without a doubt, the most difficult. What with sales dropping off, but never with bills getting lower, the decision to go back to school, and get my degree in Nursing has been made. I am beyond nervous. At first, I was excited. To be honest, I still am. But now its tinged around the edges with fear. What if I don't get the classes I need? It's so late to be registering. What if , despite my best efforts, I don't get the grades I need?The A&P was always my downfall. Will I be able to continue to give my boys what they need? Fischer is worried I'll be too busy for him. Other concerns as well, that I really don't have a name for. Just a general feeling of unease. I never imagined that I would be doing anything like this at my age.My sisters, and my mom, dad, grandma, aunts, are all so thrilled for me. I know that this is the right thing to do, to show my children how important it is to get the college education. That it dosen't matter how old you are, to try to improve yourself. I want them to be proud of me, as I am proud of their accomplishments.
Perhaps, once I have actually registered for classes, I will feel better. I'm worried that, as its so late in the summer, I will find that the classes I need are filled. That is my biggest fear. It feels like hurry up and wait.
Ona better note, one of our customers showed up a few minutes ago with WORK! Of course, he'd not brought his checkbook, par for the course. But this is going to take a great deal of the pressure off the rest of my worries, for who dosen't worry about money? We'll get through this, we've managed every other challenge so far. The truth is , that you really don't know what you can do until you're faced with the most difficult of challenges. They are different for everyone, but you don't forget the lessons that they teach you.